The Bench
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We’re two semi-young women (o.k., young at heart) working on screenplays, theatrical plays and books in between snacking, distracting ourselves and working regular jobs.In our 18 years of friendship, whenever we sit on a bench together anywhere in the world, we always see something unique happen.
The Two Girls on a Bench have seen a lecherous corn man in Guadalajara, Mexico, been robbed on a bench in Madrid, Spain, watched a man screaming about his eye run into the ladies bathroom at Whole Foods in Sherman Oaks, you get the idea.
We hope you can join us as we observe ourselves from the virtual bench in our minds through this blog. Maybe you’ve had writers block. Or really wanted to watch a Lifetime movie instead of writing your screenplay. If so, then this is the blog for you.
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SITS Girls
The Bench Bios
Girl One – Tricia
Tricia, aka Trish the Dish, aka Electricia, aka Tricia Militia, is a yoga doin’, weird sock wearin’, Liz Lemon lovin’ kinda gal. She paints, she writes, she cooks, she builds things, she gardens, and she knows more than the average girl about electricity. A hippy at heart, Tricia’s love of compost, broomstick skirts and musical theatre have led her to the path of first writing performance art plays and now writing screenplays. She’s married to Wiggins, a guy that has a lot of guitars hanging around his computer. Tricia is happiest watching bad TV with her 100 pound lap dog Sandy and baking pot pies from scratch. Oh yeah, and writing.
Girl Two – Siana
Siana, aka Shawna, aka Shauna, aka Chona, is a self help junkie, flat hair flunky, and cooking monkey. She has all the stuff to scrapbook but doesn’t, is obsessed about recipes and the food network and wants to grow up to be Sandra Tsing Loh. From her young feminist performance art days of hanging Barbies from the ceiling, she now just wants to sell a screenplay and learn Tricia’s pot pie recipe. Chona is married to E-Money, a guy that dances in her living room alongside their dog Angel, who also likes to dance. Siana is happiest drinking too much wine and re-watching scenes from Shaun of the Dead or Pretty in Pink over and over again. Oh yeah, and writing.
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In Celebration of National Popcorn Day... Late
Last week, on National Popcorn Day, we celebrated. Siana got a cool gift from her parents for her birthday, a retro popcorn maker thingy like they have at the movies.
TRICIA
Or Target, that's the only reason I go
Now that we've figured out the party planning and convinced Tricia a flash mob may not be a good use of time right now, we're back to our GOD DAMN SCRIPT.
SIANA
I'm sorry, did I type that in all caps?
TRICIA
Stop yelling at me.
Somehow we have a few pages to mess around with and still hit our 30-60-90 marks, meaning that all our sex scenes stay on the right pages and we can still add more meaningful stuff.
TRICIA
Yeah, so now our main character has a
TRICIA
Or Target, that's the only reason I go
there now, to get the popcorn while I shop.
SIANA
Turn it on.
We have popcorn and make it. It's fun and good. It kind of fogged up from the steam so you can't really see the magic that well in this picture.
Here's a side view of the dramatic popcorn popping out of the kettle.
Now that we have popcorn, we get down to writing.
We're on it. We're doing it. Tricia made copious notes while on a recent business trip and apparently had no paper because her notes are on napkins and baggage claim tickets.
TRICIA
I was being green and recycling. It's not
SIANA
Turn it on.
We have popcorn and make it. It's fun and good. It kind of fogged up from the steam so you can't really see the magic that well in this picture.
Here's a side view of the dramatic popcorn popping out of the kettle.
Now that we have popcorn, we get down to writing.
We're on it. We're doing it. Tricia made copious notes while on a recent business trip and apparently had no paper because her notes are on napkins and baggage claim tickets.
TRICIA
I was being green and recycling. It's not
easy being green. Also on the plane I saw a
good movie you should see, cute lil Justin
Timberlake is in it.
SIANA
I saw it and you're right, I know what
SIANA
I saw it and you're right, I know what
you're going to say, our characters need
more problems in their background revealed.
Sometimes we learn stuff while watching other movies. It's like we're getting a film degree, for free. With popcorn.
TRICIA
Also, I think we should be in a flash mob.
SIANA
Yeah, cuz we have lots of free time to
Sometimes we learn stuff while watching other movies. It's like we're getting a film degree, for free. With popcorn.
TRICIA
Also, I think we should be in a flash mob.
SIANA
Yeah, cuz we have lots of free time to
learn a dance and go do it somewhere. I
spend all my time commuting.
TRICIA
I spend all my time chasing Baby Elise who
TRICIA
I spend all my time chasing Baby Elise who
is no longer a baby and can run. She's
almost 2.
SIANA
SIANA
That's in 6 months. Soon you'll be saying
she's going to graduate from high school.
TRICIA
TRICIA
We're almost there, we're 1/17th of the way
there. Will you host that party, I'm tired
and I don't want to clean my house, again.
SIANA
Sure, I'll bring my popcorn maker. Or
SIANA
Sure, I'll bring my popcorn maker. Or
maybe we'll use that for her second
birthday party.
Now that we've figured out the party planning and convinced Tricia a flash mob may not be a good use of time right now, we're back to our GOD DAMN SCRIPT.
SIANA
I'm sorry, did I type that in all caps?
TRICIA
Stop yelling at me.
Somehow we have a few pages to mess around with and still hit our 30-60-90 marks, meaning that all our sex scenes stay on the right pages and we can still add more meaningful stuff.
TRICIA
Yeah, so now our main character has a
family issue that makes him stupid.
SIANA
And that has made all the difference.
You know what we mean. It's a date, it's a scam, whatever. If you know what that saying is from, get yourself some popcorn, you deserve it.
Want more popcorn fun? Check out our Bench Snackbook page on Facebook
SIANA
And that has made all the difference.
You know what we mean. It's a date, it's a scam, whatever. If you know what that saying is from, get yourself some popcorn, you deserve it.
Want more popcorn fun? Check out our Bench Snackbook page on Facebook
A boy and his blank - and other plots
Sometimes we think it would be easier if we picked a more universal theme to write about. Lately we've noticed a trend in movie plots, most of them involve a boy and his blank, let us explain.
TRICIA
Like that annoying movie with the boy
and his horse. Really, his horse finds
him after a war?
SIANA
How come it's never a girl and her blank?
TRICIA
I don't know, but now that we've mentioned
it I can't stop thinking about boys and their blanks!
We make a list, it's that time of year when all we can do is make lists.
A boy and his.....
Where did the banana come from?
Then Tricia drew the most telling pic of all:
- A boy and his horse
- A boy and his dog
- A boy and his dolphin
- A boy and his whale
- A boy and his bike
Where did the banana come from?
TRICIA
I don't know, the monkey looked hungry...
I don't know, the monkey looked hungry...
Then Tricia drew the most telling pic of all:
SIANA
Oh yeah, that reminds me of every
war or cop movie I've ever seen.
TRICIA
Goes with the theme, boy and his gun.
Goes with the theme, boy and his gun.
SIANA
We should write two girls on a bench
and their blank.
TRICIA
But what would it be?
Another list.
TRICIA
Someone needs to write a sitcom about
- Two Girls on a Bench and their bottle of wine.
- Two Girls on a Bench and their dirty dishes.
- Two Girls on a Bench and their unfinished screenplay.
- Two Girls on a Bench and their chocolate covered toffee popcorn.
TRICIA
Someone needs to write a sitcom about
us, because we’re funny.
SIANA
I wish we knew some writers that could
I wish we knew some writers that could
do that for us.
TRICIA
Duh it should be us.
Duh it should be us.
SIANA
It sounds like so much work.
It sounds like so much work.
TRICIA
Ow my ass hurts. I pulled my sciatica.
Ow my ass hurts. I pulled my sciatica.
SIANA
You better fix that, we have work to do.
You better fix that, we have work to do.
Back to back aches and writing. Dammit we're getting old...
Things that better happen in 2012, or else...
To celebrate a new year, we're toasting 2012 with lattes and mimosas - cheers!
It's a new year and we have big aspirations, big dreams and instead of resolutions we have a few lists. These lists aren't about losing weight or exercising more (boring, plus already broke those resolutions) but our lists focus on the important stuff in life.
SIANA
What’s with the weird metal hair guy next
to us?
TRICIA
I don’t know. Is that his girlfriend?
I just wonder like how that happened?
They do not go together at all!
SIANA
She looks like some sort of kindergarten
teacher. I’d picture him more with like
a buxom
rocker chick…
TRICIA
This breakfast is a flavor party in my
mouth.
SIANA
Now we need to focus on getting stuff done.
TRICIA
Boring!
Our lists start with things that we want to see happen and things that better
happen, or else.
Things we want to happen in 2012
- We get together every week and work on writing
- We encourage each other to succeed in life and live our best lives
- We hang out more as friends and do normal stuff like go places and do stuff
- Lifetime Movie Network will call us and ask us to write a movie involving popcorn, aliens and serial killers
- We finally figure out the right combination of brown rice to lentils to perfect the healthiest meal in the entire world
TRICIA
What seasoning do you use? The pre-made
lentils from Trader Joes, right?
SIANA
I use olive oil and lemon juice and
sometimes toss in pico de gallo – but stop
distracting us, back to the list!
Things that better happen, or else...
- We better finish our damn screenplay, or else... we're lame
- Jessica Lange better win an Emmy for American Horror Story, or else... we're gonna riot
- We better go get a pedicure, or else… our feet will be gross
- That new TV show with men dressed as women better be canceled, or else… our faith in humanity and the networks will be shattered
TRICIA
They are insulting me with that show,
because Bosom Buddies was such a good show
and it’s not even an homage, it’s just bad.
SIANA
I hate it.
One more thing to add to the list, speaking of Bosom Buddies:
- Tom Hanks better make a comedy, or else… we’re gonna forget how funny he is
Not really, but we do want him to make comedy.
SIANA
Like BIG, I need that in my life. I need a
movie like that to come out.
TRICIA
Or Money Pit. A funny movie not based on an
old TV show. Goddammit Tom Hanks.
Tom Hanks, if you’re reading this, please hear our cry for help. You are our light in the darkness of bad comedy. Also if you want to read our screenplay, that would be cool too...
Peanut Butter Cupcakes, That's What!
We're finally together after weeks of whatever. We missed Tricia's birthday because she was sick, so now we're eating peanut butter cupcakes, cuz that's how we roll.
TRICIA
Yeah, these have no calories.
SIANA
Because peanut butter is made from peanuts
TRICIA
Do you know that I can't double the recipe
SIANA
Yeah, that's tough, but we're all counting
TRICIA
And it's not like that at all. Are you
TRICIA
Yeah, these have no calories.
SIANA
Because peanut butter is made from peanuts
and they are a nut and nuts are healthy and stuff.
This logic will get us through the night, so will the turkey taquitos Siana made from left over Thanksgiving turkey. Don't worry, they were frozen, they haven't been sitting around since Thanksgiving.
TRICIA
Good because I was worried. But not
This logic will get us through the night, so will the turkey taquitos Siana made from left over Thanksgiving turkey. Don't worry, they were frozen, they haven't been sitting around since Thanksgiving.
TRICIA
Good because I was worried. But not
really because I just ate two of them.
SIANA
I froze a bunch, we'll be eating them
SIANA
I froze a bunch, we'll be eating them
for months.
Now is the time of year when suddenly it's like really busy and time flies and it gets dark early and there's food everywhere. Some call that the holidays. We call it finals.
TRICIA
Losers will be shot.
That was a line from a show we wrote and directed in college, nobody was really shot, it was a metaphor. Represents a bunch of deadlines everywhere, nowadays it means a million cookies that Tricia has to bake for her family and Siana's extended family. Everyone expects it now, even Siana's inlaws, so losers will be shot. Metaphorically. And maybe for real too.
SIANA
That's why I don't bake, nobody expects
Now is the time of year when suddenly it's like really busy and time flies and it gets dark early and there's food everywhere. Some call that the holidays. We call it finals.
TRICIA
Losers will be shot.
That was a line from a show we wrote and directed in college, nobody was really shot, it was a metaphor. Represents a bunch of deadlines everywhere, nowadays it means a million cookies that Tricia has to bake for her family and Siana's extended family. Everyone expects it now, even Siana's inlaws, so losers will be shot. Metaphorically. And maybe for real too.
SIANA
That's why I don't bake, nobody expects
anything. I rule.
TRICIA
I should have stuck to something simple
TRICIA
I should have stuck to something simple
instead of old family Danish recipes.
SIANA
They're so good, if you don't make
SIANA
They're so good, if you don't make
snowball cookies I will riot. Sorry I'm
part of the problem.
TRICIA
Do you know that I can't double the recipe
because they don't come out the same? So I
have to bake them all one batch at a time.
It takes forever. I usually end up crying
because I want to go to bed, but I can't
because I have to roll them in sugar one
more time.
SIANA
Yeah, that's tough, but we're all counting
on you so you have to do it. Sorry. Like
our show said, losers will be shot.
TRICIA
So what's the plan for the new year?
SIANA
We need to write more because all we talk
TRICIA
So what's the plan for the new year?
SIANA
We need to write more because all we talk
about is food and wine and we're supposed
to talk about writing.
TRICIA
Yeah, WTF?
SIANA
People are going to start to think that all
TRICIA
Yeah, WTF?
SIANA
People are going to start to think that all
we do is drink wine, eat and talk about
writing, but never do it.
TRICIA
And it's not like that at all. Are you
going to eat the rest of your cupcake?
Is there anymore wine left?
We're glad this year is almost over, so we can start again. Anew. Afresh. Aleve. Oh wait, that's for when we drink too much wine. Anyway, we'll make resolutions later when we get through cookies season. As long as we make it through without getting shot.
We're glad this year is almost over, so we can start again. Anew. Afresh. Aleve. Oh wait, that's for when we drink too much wine. Anyway, we'll make resolutions later when we get through cookies season. As long as we make it through without getting shot.
Grateful in the Zen Garden
Since we're leading up to Thanksgiving, we decided to be grateful. We also decided to do a real normal thing this weekend and hang out with each other, our spouses and Tricia's kid and not work on anything, except our friendship. We're grateful we had the time to do that.
Siana has a zen garden in her backyard, she's grateful for that.
The fountain in her zen garden is green and dirty, she's not super grateful for that. But it was fun to hang out on a bench in the zen garden with Baby Elise.
While on the bench, we contemplated some things we are grateful for and made a list, not necessarily in order of importance. Also we're grateful for other stuff too, but tried to keep this to 10.
Gratefulness List
1. Soup - if you missed Soup Month on the Bench Snackbook, you should really check it out
2. Benches
3. Text messaging - we have no idea how we'd communicate with each other without it
4. Baby Elise - duh that's easy
5. Each other - awwwwww....
6. Beevis and Butthead is back on MTV
7. Wine
8. Movies - ours if we ever finish it
9. Our spouses
10. Everyone that reads our blog
So go out there and be grateful and thankful and stuff. And eat a lot because the calories don't count from now until December 31. Happy Thanksgiving from The Bench!
Siana has a zen garden in her backyard, she's grateful for that.
The fountain in her zen garden is green and dirty, she's not super grateful for that. But it was fun to hang out on a bench in the zen garden with Baby Elise.
While on the bench, we contemplated some things we are grateful for and made a list, not necessarily in order of importance. Also we're grateful for other stuff too, but tried to keep this to 10.
Gratefulness List
1. Soup - if you missed Soup Month on the Bench Snackbook, you should really check it out
2. Benches
3. Text messaging - we have no idea how we'd communicate with each other without it
4. Baby Elise - duh that's easy
5. Each other - awwwwww....
6. Beevis and Butthead is back on MTV
7. Wine
8. Movies - ours if we ever finish it
9. Our spouses
10. Everyone that reads our blog
So go out there and be grateful and thankful and stuff. And eat a lot because the calories don't count from now until December 31. Happy Thanksgiving from The Bench!
Tiny Snacks Not Quite a Meal
It's time to get together. Finally. We've been so busy and sick the last few weeks we haven't seen each other. But we finally have time to guest blog about soup, pretty much our favorite topic (see our guest post starting Tuesday, November 15 on Writing Up an Appetite ) but while we wait for soup we have other snacks to tide us over.
TRICIA
Fried green beans count as a vegetable right?
SIANA
Yeah, zero points, the breading doesn't even count
TRICIA
Fried green beans count as a vegetable right?
SIANA
Yeah, zero points, the breading doesn't even count
because they're green beans.
TRICIA
And they crumble which means they don't stick.
TRICIA
And they crumble which means they don't stick.
Just put them all in the oven for a while, it
always takes longer than what the box says.
We love little appetizers. We call them "tiny snacks not quite a meal." Once on an invitation to a reading of a play we wrote we said we'd be serving "tiny snacks not quite a meal" to which people were very confused.
SIANA
I thought it was clear, like get it? Tiny snacks,
We love little appetizers. We call them "tiny snacks not quite a meal." Once on an invitation to a reading of a play we wrote we said we'd be serving "tiny snacks not quite a meal" to which people were very confused.
SIANA
I thought it was clear, like get it? Tiny snacks,
appetizers, duh.
TRICIA
It's not quite a meal, but if you eat enough of
TRICIA
It's not quite a meal, but if you eat enough of
them it will fill you up. Get it?
Seriously people emailed us and called us asking if they should get lunch before the reading or go to dinner afterward because there wasn't gonna be enough food.
Nobody gets us.
People showed up full to that event after going to big lunches or brunches and we had lots of appetizers left over that we had to eat all alone. We managed.
SIANA
The soup is still not ready, it's taking like 8
Seriously people emailed us and called us asking if they should get lunch before the reading or go to dinner afterward because there wasn't gonna be enough food.
Nobody gets us.
People showed up full to that event after going to big lunches or brunches and we had lots of appetizers left over that we had to eat all alone. We managed.
SIANA
The soup is still not ready, it's taking like 8
hours, I didn't eat lunch today and I'm starving,
break out those cookies you bought at 7-11.
TRICIA
Awesome. They were $1.79 and in case you couldn't
TRICIA
Awesome. They were $1.79 and in case you couldn't
tell it says it in red really big and also there's
a price tag with the same price. They taste like
Girl Scout Cookies, but fat. Not fat Girl Scouts,
fat thin mints. So they're fat mints.
SIANA
And we don't have to freeze them because they're
SIANA
And we don't have to freeze them because they're
available all year at our neighborhood 7-11.
God we love that place.
TRICIA
If you need a cookie, in the middle of the night
TRICIA
If you need a cookie, in the middle of the night
and you only have change, you can get these.
You can make it happen.
Next time, we're gonna look at our script. And come up with a new title. And that will be easy, right? We might need more cookies...
Next time, we're gonna look at our script. And come up with a new title. And that will be easy, right? We might need more cookies...
Baby Witch - A Halloween Story
Once upon a time there were two witches. Sometimes people confused the word "witch" and accidentally added a "b" to the beginning of the word when referring to these particular witches, but rest assured, they were truly "witches".
One witch, we'll call her Donna, was also referred to as a bruja, which is Spanish for witch. A bruja is someone that also provides cures for ailments.
DONNA
Eye of newt? Like Newt Gingrich? Well that
One of the witches, Misha, had a baby. Now this is where the story gets interesting.
DONNA
I wonder if, well, I wonder if your baby
One day while Donna and Misha were hanging out making soup, they turned around to discover that Misha's baby had suddenly turned into a Baby Witch.
MISHA & DONNA
Oh no!
BABY WITCH
Da!
DONNA
Well, it was inevitable.
MISHA
Yeah, I guess we'll have to share our
One witch, we'll call her Donna, was also referred to as a bruja, which is Spanish for witch. A bruja is someone that also provides cures for ailments.
DONNA
Eye of newt? Like Newt Gingrich? Well that
sounds a little extreme. How about you
just take some valerian to help you sleep.
The other witch, we'll call her Misha, had a fondness for making strange teas and then crushing up vitamins in the tea which sort of left a strange chunky texture to the drink.
MISHA
I figure if I add calcium chunks to green
The other witch, we'll call her Misha, had a fondness for making strange teas and then crushing up vitamins in the tea which sort of left a strange chunky texture to the drink.
MISHA
I figure if I add calcium chunks to green
tea it's better for you.
After years of doing witchy things like writing strange performance art pieces, not shaving their legs and generally taking lots of vitamins and curing eye infections with chamomile tea bags, the two witches decided to settle into suburbia and keep the witch thing on the down low.
MISHA
We can hide it, mostly.
DONNA
Yeah, just don't tell anyone about the
After years of doing witchy things like writing strange performance art pieces, not shaving their legs and generally taking lots of vitamins and curing eye infections with chamomile tea bags, the two witches decided to settle into suburbia and keep the witch thing on the down low.
MISHA
We can hide it, mostly.
DONNA
Yeah, just don't tell anyone about the
whole candle lighting cleansing ceremony
we do where we burn pieces of paper that
say things like "lose weight" and "stop
eating chocolate".
One of the witches, Misha, had a baby. Now this is where the story gets interesting.
DONNA
I wonder if, well, I wonder if your baby
will turn out to be a witch too.
MISHA
You mean like that new CW show?
DONNA
Yeah, will she know about the herbals teas
MISHA
You mean like that new CW show?
DONNA
Yeah, will she know about the herbals teas
and have a strange affection for Bob Fosse?
MISHA
They are all classic witch signs, not
MISHA
They are all classic witch signs, not
sure, she did seem interested in listening
to the Chicago soundtrack.
One day while Donna and Misha were hanging out making soup, they turned around to discover that Misha's baby had suddenly turned into a Baby Witch.
MISHA & DONNA
Oh no!
BABY WITCH
Da!
DONNA
Well, it was inevitable.
MISHA
Yeah, I guess we'll have to share our
secrets with her now.
DONNA
Maybe she can help us finish our
DONNA
Maybe she can help us finish our
screenplay... I mean witches brew.
MISHA
We can only hope.
BABY WITCH
Da!
MISHA
We can only hope.
BABY WITCH
Da!
Youthful Translator
We're working on our screenplay. Finally. And we found a phrase that someone pointed out we might be old school. Like we're old and the phrase shows how old we are. But our characters are young, so we need updated language. We need a youthful translator.
TRICIA TXT
If we were to say "killer weed" what would
SIANA
I was totally going to say ganja with the
TRICIA
I hate their mismatched stuff. Why can't
SIANA
Why is there a description of herbal
TRICIA
I hate us. Cut it out.
We cut some more, and then suddenly, we check to see what's on page 30... and... magically... it's our beloved sex scene!
TRICIA & SIANA
YEA!!! YAY!!! YEAH!!
Or however you spell that word, you get the idea.
We make a plan to take an entire day to work on the rename-re-titleing of the script. It's also the same day we rename two of the characters. We are gonna need a kegger to get through that day.
TRICIA TXT
If we were to say "killer weed" what would
be your youthful translation for that
phrase. Not that you know what weed is...
UNKNOWN YOUTHFUL SOURCE TXT
Well, NOT THAT I'VE EVER SMOKED IT, but I
UNKNOWN YOUTHFUL SOURCE TXT
Well, NOT THAT I'VE EVER SMOKED IT, but I
usually just say "bud" or "weed". Good
bud. If I was a teenage/college super-
stoner I might use words like "dank" (noun
and adj), "chronic" (noun and adj), or
"ganj" (no a).
SIANA
I was totally going to say ganja with the
a. I'm lame and old.
TRICIA
This youthful source rules.
Now that we've got our youthful translation, we decide to move on to slashing and burning our script.
We're slashing and burning. We're cutting things left and right because we need our first sex scene to start on page 30. Because we've been told that the magic "thing" should happen on page 30 and producers and studios will just skip to page 30 to see what's there. And right now our cool thing is on page 33. By the way, our cool thing is a sex scene... gasp.
TRICIA
Cut that line, it's stupid, I hate it.
SIANA
Why do we describe everything
TRICIA
This youthful source rules.
Now that we've got our youthful translation, we decide to move on to slashing and burning our script.
We're slashing and burning. We're cutting things left and right because we need our first sex scene to start on page 30. Because we've been told that the magic "thing" should happen on page 30 and producers and studios will just skip to page 30 to see what's there. And right now our cool thing is on page 33. By the way, our cool thing is a sex scene... gasp.
TRICIA
Cut that line, it's stupid, I hate it.
SIANA
Why do we describe everything
in their apartment as mismatched ten
different ways. Delete it
all,that paragraph takes up half the page. We need that page to get to the sex scene.
TRICIA
I hate their mismatched stuff. Why can't
their stuff match?!! Delete it!!
We skip to a scene with a drunk girl that is also doing some strange drugs. We hate her too.
TRICIA
Just a random memory from our youth, we
We skip to a scene with a drunk girl that is also doing some strange drugs. We hate her too.
TRICIA
Just a random memory from our youth, we
need that space to get to the sex scene.
SIANA
Cut her out, she's not important.
We cut out more random stuff.
TRICIA
Why is the character Zoe lighting tea
SIANA
Cut her out, she's not important.
We cut out more random stuff.
TRICIA
Why is the character Zoe lighting tea
lights by the swimming pool on a glass
table? Really, a glass table? Cut it out.
She's just sitting there, that was like
two lines.
SIANA
Why is there a description of herbal
enhancement vitamins and sexual
enhancement vitamins and two different
descriptions of busty women in beer ads in
the liquor store scene?
TRICIA
I hate us. Cut it out.
We cut some more, and then suddenly, we check to see what's on page 30... and... magically... it's our beloved sex scene!
TRICIA & SIANA
YEA!!! YAY!!! YEAH!!
Or however you spell that word, you get the idea.
We make a plan to take an entire day to work on the rename-re-titleing of the script. It's also the same day we rename two of the characters. We are gonna need a kegger to get through that day.
Mushroom Sandwich (aka Portabello Panini Shabby Chic the sequel)
So we're here again, at the shabby chic cafe, eating a mushroom sandwich.
SIANA
It's a portabello panini
TRICIA
It's a big mushroom. It's big and good.
We have a crush on this restaurant. It's like the college library, except you're allowed to eat and drink alcohol. Tonight we dine on mushrooms and vegan soup, and of course a bit of vino.
SIANA
Wait, did you see the crazy women staring
TRICIA
Break it out, I want to look at our
TRICIA
I think all the random people here are
TRICIA
It's like it just keeps getting better.
SIANA
It's a portabello panini
TRICIA
It's a big mushroom. It's big and good.
We have a crush on this restaurant. It's like the college library, except you're allowed to eat and drink alcohol. Tonight we dine on mushrooms and vegan soup, and of course a bit of vino.
SIANA
Wait, did you see the crazy women staring
at me in line, like just a little too
close?
TRICIA
Was she wearing a costume? What was that?
SIANA
I don't know but I had to look away cuz I
TRICIA
Was she wearing a costume? What was that?
SIANA
I don't know but I had to look away cuz I
knew if I made eye contact she'd start
talking to us. She was this close to me,
like fogging up my glasses close to me.
We came here tonight for the free wi-fi and to just get out of the house and hang out. And, oh yeah, to work on our screenplay. Yes we are still writing it, and yes, it's still not done. Don't judge us.
SIANA
Okay, if you read the first 30 pages it's
We came here tonight for the free wi-fi and to just get out of the house and hang out. And, oh yeah, to work on our screenplay. Yes we are still writing it, and yes, it's still not done. Don't judge us.
SIANA
Okay, if you read the first 30 pages it's
brilliant. We just need a few changes.
But just concentrate on the fact that we
are solid in those first 30. Solid.
Solid as a rock.
TRICIA
Break it out, I want to look at our
brilliance now.
Siana pulls out a folder and dramatically breaks it open to share our brilliance. Then we realize it's not our script. It's Siana's book manuscript (more to come on that later... soon to be down-loadable for your kindle).
SIANA
Oops.
TRICIA
In your defense, it does have text on the
Siana pulls out a folder and dramatically breaks it open to share our brilliance. Then we realize it's not our script. It's Siana's book manuscript (more to come on that later... soon to be down-loadable for your kindle).
SIANA
Oops.
TRICIA
In your defense, it does have text on the
pages with red mark ups. Very similar to
the script, just not quite.
SIANA
I guess we should just get another glass
I guess we should just get another glass
of wine and talk about how good it is.
TRICIA
I think all the random people here are
going to inspire us to write new
characters.
We settle in, watching the people scattered all over this room restaurant. We wonder what they are doing here. There's a couple in the back corner in deep discussion, randomly making out under a very bright light. There's two girls pouring over a laptop that remind us of when we were younger and cuter. The women with the costume has thankfully left the building.
SIANA
Hey I'm glad this place has an A rating,
We settle in, watching the people scattered all over this room restaurant. We wonder what they are doing here. There's a couple in the back corner in deep discussion, randomly making out under a very bright light. There's two girls pouring over a laptop that remind us of when we were younger and cuter. The women with the costume has thankfully left the building.
SIANA
Hey I'm glad this place has an A rating,
we won't die from food poisoning.
TRICIA
It's like it just keeps getting better.
Ok, next time we bring the script.
SIANA
Yep, next time...
Yep, next time...
Tonight! - Ode to West Side Story
It is no surprise that we love musicals. Tricia loves them the most, Siana loves them from a close distance.
TRICIA
It's true, I'm crazy for musicals.
SIANA
I'm like half crazy, not completely
crazed but sort of a little loony.
We're doing our usual, eating, talking, trying to figure out how to finish our damn screenplay. And we get side tracked talking about a recent episode of Glee. We'll admit it, we both love Glee, we're Gleeks, whatever, it's a cool show.
TRICIA
I thought of you when I saw that episode
with all the West Side Story songs.
SIANA
I know, I cried a lot. I feel like Kurt,
I wanna play Tony too.
Siana's dream is to play Tony in West Side Story. Yeah, it's a stretch, but Tricia's dream is to play Tevia in Fiddler on the Roof, so you can see that these dreams are not based in reality. Here's the original movie clip of Siana's favorite song from West Side Story, all we could find was this subtitled karaoke version, so sing along:
TRICIA
Remember when I toured with West Side Story?
SIANA
Yeah, that was random and I visited you on
tour and sat up in the spotlight booth and
watched the show from the stage, that was cool.
TRICIA
Then I did the lighting for our college
production of West Side that starred your
husband as Bernardo.
SIANA
Yeah... why does everyone get to be part of
this musical except me?
TRICIA
Cuz you don't sing.
SIANA
Oh yeah, well, there's that...
TRICIA
You're like Lucy trying to be in the show,
but with prettier red hair, especially when
you get a blow out.
SIANA
You said blow out.
TRICIA
What are we Beavis and Butthead?
SIANA
Yes, as it gets later and we get more
delirious we turn into Beavis and Butthead.
Deal with it.
Want more crazy antics from The Bench? "Like" us on Facebook!
TRICIA
It's true, I'm crazy for musicals.
SIANA
I'm like half crazy, not completely
crazed but sort of a little loony.
We're doing our usual, eating, talking, trying to figure out how to finish our damn screenplay. And we get side tracked talking about a recent episode of Glee. We'll admit it, we both love Glee, we're Gleeks, whatever, it's a cool show.
TRICIA
I thought of you when I saw that episode
with all the West Side Story songs.
SIANA
I know, I cried a lot. I feel like Kurt,
I wanna play Tony too.
Siana's dream is to play Tony in West Side Story. Yeah, it's a stretch, but Tricia's dream is to play Tevia in Fiddler on the Roof, so you can see that these dreams are not based in reality. Here's the original movie clip of Siana's favorite song from West Side Story, all we could find was this subtitled karaoke version, so sing along:
TRICIA
Remember when I toured with West Side Story?
SIANA
Yeah, that was random and I visited you on
tour and sat up in the spotlight booth and
watched the show from the stage, that was cool.
TRICIA
Then I did the lighting for our college
production of West Side that starred your
husband as Bernardo.
SIANA
Yeah... why does everyone get to be part of
this musical except me?
TRICIA
Cuz you don't sing.
SIANA
Oh yeah, well, there's that...
TRICIA
You're like Lucy trying to be in the show,
but with prettier red hair, especially when
you get a blow out.
SIANA
You said blow out.
TRICIA
What are we Beavis and Butthead?
SIANA
Yes, as it gets later and we get more
delirious we turn into Beavis and Butthead.
Deal with it.
Want more crazy antics from The Bench? "Like" us on Facebook!
