The Bench
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We’re two semi-young women (o.k., young at heart) working on screenplays, theatrical plays and books in between snacking, distracting ourselves and working regular jobs.In our 18 years of friendship, whenever we sit on a bench together anywhere in the world, we always see something unique happen.
The Two Girls on a Bench have seen a lecherous corn man in Guadalajara, Mexico, been robbed on a bench in Madrid, Spain, watched a man screaming about his eye run into the ladies bathroom at Whole Foods in Sherman Oaks, you get the idea.
We hope you can join us as we observe ourselves from the virtual bench in our minds through this blog. Maybe you’ve had writers block. Or really wanted to watch a Lifetime movie instead of writing your screenplay. If so, then this is the blog for you.
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SITS Girls
The Bench Bios
Girl One – Tricia
Tricia, aka Trish the Dish, aka Electricia, aka Tricia Militia, is a yoga doin’, weird sock wearin’, Liz Lemon lovin’ kinda gal. She paints, she writes, she cooks, she builds things, she gardens, and she knows more than the average girl about electricity. A hippy at heart, Tricia’s love of compost, broomstick skirts and musical theatre have led her to the path of first writing performance art plays and now writing screenplays. She’s married to Wiggins, a guy that has a lot of guitars hanging around his computer. Tricia is happiest watching bad TV with her 100 pound lap dog Sandy and baking pot pies from scratch. Oh yeah, and writing.
Girl Two – Siana
Siana, aka Shawna, aka Shauna, aka Chona, is a self help junkie, flat hair flunky, and cooking monkey. She has all the stuff to scrapbook but doesn’t, is obsessed about recipes and the food network and wants to grow up to be Sandra Tsing Loh. From her young feminist performance art days of hanging Barbies from the ceiling, she now just wants to sell a screenplay and learn Tricia’s pot pie recipe. Chona is married to E-Money, a guy that dances in her living room alongside their dog Angel, who also likes to dance. Siana is happiest drinking too much wine and re-watching scenes from Shaun of the Dead or Pretty in Pink over and over again. Oh yeah, and writing.
Networked Blogs
on a Bench
We did it and thanks!
Another year of a successful MS Walk and we want to thank everyone that contributed! And don't worry, if you didn't get a chance to contribute, you still can, click here to donate now!
We'd like to say a special thanks to Edgar Aguirre for helping direct his fundraising efforts to the Bench as well, which helped us raise a grand total of: $1,240! To date Team Andrea has raised $15,405 to stick it to MS, way to go team!
TRICIA
Wouldn't it be cool if we could get that team
number up to $16,000?
SIANA
Yes, I prefer a round number to finish this whole
thing off!
While you consider making that donation to help us reach that goal, check out a few photos from our great day at the MS Walk.
Here we are with the awesome Andrea
And here are the mini walkers that joined us on the walk 
And on the Bench
And our fundraising efforts got us into a cool VIP tent where we had access to extra snacks, thanks everyone!
Thanks again everyone for all the support and if didn't get a chance to contribute to the fabulous Team Andrea, click here to donate.
MS Walk - The Sequel
SIANA
We want you!
TRICIA
It feels good to be wanted.
We want you to donate! Donating is easy, just click here!
Here we are at last year's MS Walk with said friend Andrea.
When you donate to the MS Walk you will feel better, look better and people will like you more. At least we'll like you more! And like we said, it's to support a great friend of ours who has just about the best attitude in the world about her diagnosis and also she loves orange, so now you really have to donate! To find out more about our awesome friend, check out our previous blog about TEAM ANDREA!
TRICIA
If everyone that followed us on Twitter donated
that would be a lot of moolah!
SIANA
Please don't say "moolah".
TRICIA
Why? It sounds more fun than saying money.
SIANA
If everyone donates today Tricia will stop
saying "moolah" please donate now. Immediately.
But seriously, please donate today. And thank you in advance from The Bench!
Sometimes My Bad Idea Gives You a Good Idea
TRICIA
We should have the character say "you are my
SIANA
Yeah, I get it. No. We're not doing that.
TRICIA
Come on, everybody knows that reference.
SIANA
Yes it is. That's an old movie. Anybody not
TRICIA
Fine. I still think it's funny.
SIANA
But how about we start the scene with the
TRICIA
I guess, whatever, that's fine. Well at least
This happens to us a lot. One of us gets all excited about a bad idea and the other one says "no" and then a good idea usually comes out of it. And if that doesn't happen we eat and drink.
When we get stuck we eat. On this particular day Siana made mini frittatas. Siana is obsessed with brunch and Tricia likes to take Toddler Leesey tiny foods so they can call them baby-blank - like "baby beans" (lentils) "baby eggs" (mini frittata) etc. We also threw in coffee and a mimosa, we do not give these to Toddler Leesey.
To keep track of what is going on in our crazy play we make charts and graphs which is weird because we're not really scientific gals, but it sure looks like it if you look at our working documents.
We're making progress though and that's a good thing.
TRICIA
I don't know why it's taking so long, but
SIANA
I know, I kinda love this play.
TRICIA
Me too. Even without the "density" line.
We cheers to our success and look forward to our next meeting. Until then, do us a favor and support us in the MS Walk! Donate today!
Secret Language on the Bench
SIANA
It's just all the shows we've written and
TRICIA
From 20 years.
For example, to reference When Harry Met Sally, all we have to say is:
"Baby Fishmouth" or "Mr. Zero knew" or "Pecan Pie" or the more obscure "the woman saved everything"
Sometimes that's all we need to sum up a feeling of what we're trying to convey. We don't even realize we're doing it because it's how we talk to each other.
TRICIA
Like if I say "Show Time" you know what I
SIANA
You're referring to the scene in All that
TRICIA
It demonstrates that feeling you have when
We also have an incredible catalog of lines from our own plays, screenplays, travel adventures and songs we've written. Here are some classic hits:
- Good job 531 - we say this whenever anything good happens to congratulate each other, this was a line from a show we wrote where we named a character after his social security number. Here's how we use it:
I just got a new refrigerator for free after
SIANA
Good job 531!
- Son iguales - this comes from a long bus trip we took in Mexico where we got a free box lunch. Two kids were sitting in front of us and went through each item in their lunch box. Every time something was the same they kind of sang "son iguales" which means they are the same or equal. Here's how we use it:
My week was really hard at work, and so was
TRICIA
Son iguales! We both deserve wine. The kids
- We're not old - this is a line from a Blues Song Tricia wrote when we were sophomores in college about a coffee shop we used to go to called Lose the Blues. Here's how we use it:
Don't get depressed about your birthday this
TRICIA
I know. "We're not old" (singing)
We could go on and on and on, but we'll stop there. Be sure to sign up for a Bench Decoder ring. There's not really a ring, but if you donate to the MS Walk, we'll send you more Bench Secret Language. You know you want it, donate today!
Catch Up Portal
First, we went on a day long excursion with our book club friends. We drove to San Diego and somehow entered a portal to other side. This trip involved coffee and Siana's GPS.
SIANA
My GPS somehow leads me to a toll road that
TRICIA
Good thing, it's a magic portal and got us
SIANA
No it doesn't, you have a wild imagination,
TRICIA
Well anyway it was a portal and almost
Once we arrived to hang out with our friends, we had some extraordinary desserts that looked like this:
And we ate them, and it was good.
Then Tricia went to New York and got inspired by the musical Once.
She also saw some camels and sheep on the street in Times Square, as you do.
TRICIA
Something else must have happened, those
SIANA
Oh yeah, and I went to IKEA.
TRICIA
Oh, enough said.
Speaking of San Diego, we're gearing up for the MS Walk again, so please support us and help us stick it to MS! Donate here
New Year blah blah blah
We’re back at Shabby Chic, we really need like a season pass or a frequent flier card or something for this place. We’re having our annual “this is the new year we should get our act together” talk along with coffee and an egg panini.
This picture is not cute and also includes a container of Tums because Tricia got heartburn from the coffee.
In addition, there are random French guys sitting next to us.
SIANA
I wonder what they’re saying?
TRICIA
They seem really animated. Hey I dare you to chug that left over creamer.
SIANA
Gross. Maybe. How much cash do you have on
you?
We’re having a flashback moment to the resolutions and predictions we wrote last year - 2012 New Year Blog
And we’re happy to report that one of the things that better happen in 2012 came true - Jessica Lange did win an Emmy for American Horror Story, thank god there is some justice in this world. For the other stuff, not so much. But hey, that’s what a fresh start and a new year are all about.
New Resolutions
1. Give our screenplay (the one we stopped talking about) to someone and ask for advice. Forget trying to fix it, let’s just throw it out into the universe and see if it comes back better. If you love something set it free.
TRICIA
Lift it from it’s gilded cage. Unleash the
insanity upon the earth.
SIANA
What?
2. Write our play because we’re good at that and know how to do it.
3. Try to meet every week; we always have this resolution every year for the last 10-15 years. But we always have to include it.
4. Make a recipe for astronauts (Tricia heard about a contest) and explore more cooking together during resolution #3
5. Somehow meet Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen. Not for
any reason except to hang out.
And that’s all we can handle right now, because our lives are really busy and we’re super important and what we do affects a lot of things.
SIANA
Does that sum it up?
TRICIA
You forgot to say that all of my stuff is
more important than yours, but I guess that
will do.
SIANA
Shut up. Asshole.
TRICIA
Happy New Year. Bitch.
Bench Bday #2 - Les Miserables
TRICIA
SIANA
When I ordered the mimosas the waitress said
Tricia bestowed many gifts on Siana, but the most wonderful of all was a pack of finger puppets.
- Hugh Jackman was born to play Jean Valjean. It's really not fair to anyone else.
- We forgot how sad this musical is and that most people die (spoiler alert)
- Anne Hathaway killed it as Fantine. And then life killed her. And the dream she dreamed.
- That little kid that played Gavroche should be in a revival of Oliver.
- We weren't that excited about Russell Crowe, but we'll let it slide because we're feeling generous.
- There should probably be an intermission because it's really long and when you cry that much in the first half hour you really need a break. And maybe another mimosa.
- We didn't know these two were in the movie. It was such a pleasant happy surprise when they popped onto screen, we both smacked each other and were happy to get a little comic relief from all the misery.
- Watching a bunch of people suffer in the French Revolution makes you really grateful for the life you have.
Happy New Year to all and cheers to 2013 being filled with more snacks and god help us more writing!
Bench Birthday #1
Even though life is busy and sometimes celebrating your birthday is annoying, we did it anyway.
TRICIA
Well you kind of forced me.
SIANA
Yeah, but it was fun. An excuse to eat,
drink and be merry!
TRICIA
The food was good, espcecially the cookies!
Macaroons brought by Siana's spouse from a cute lil shop in Pasadena, see our Twitter feed @2girlsonabench for shout outs.
And as a side appetizer to cookies we had peanut butter filled dark chocolate cupcakes, cuz duh, it was a birthday celebration! We'll just add this one to the Birthday Snackbook!
And Tricia got a new glass that helped her celebrate!
So that does it for Bench Birthday #1 this year. Many happy returns to Tricia! Stay tuned for part #2 in the saga of the bench getting older! Ugh...
The Accidental Bench
TRICIA
No, I don't remember that movie. Is that the one with Johnny
Depp and Angelina Jolie?
SIANA
Oh my god no. The Accidental Tourist was great. Geena Davis?
William Hurt? There was a scene where everyone is sitting
a table and spends a ton of time fiddling with their baked
potatoes?
TRICIA
I have no idea. Anyway, what's your point?
SIANA
I think we are The Accidental Bench. Because we happen upon
things accidentally.
We pause to make some dinner and talk about scheduling a significant amount of time to work on our play. Like a lot of time, like a whole day. Which is a lot of time in our lives right now, so we need to be strategic.
SIANA
Like I accidentally came up with this brilliant dinner idea.
TRICIA
I think you need to share the recipe. These are the healthiest
chili cheese fries ever.
Chili Cheese Sweet Potato Fries
Directions:
- Bake Trader Joes Sweet potato fries in the oven
- Heat up a can of Amy's Organic Black Bean Chili
- Pour chili over fries
- Add cheese (we split a slice of colby cheese, but goat cheese would be awesome)
This is accidentally gourmet. And this just accidentally became
a blog about food.
TRICIA
Speaking of accidents, I keep falling all the time. Yesterday I
literally fell on my face. And then I stubbed all of my toes
after that at the same time.
SIANA
Ouch. I always run into stuff too. I always have bruises and I'm
like where did I get that? Oh yeah, I ran into a chair, or a
table, or the wall. It's because we're smart, we're too busy
thinking of clever things to notice where we're going.
TRICIA
Or we're both just klutz's.
SIANA
Maybe we can accidentally write this play.
TRICIA
Yeah, about that, I think we need to plan that.
SIANA
I know, I just got caught up in the theme.
TRICIA
We're going to have to go all out, a full day, maybe... 2 days!!
SIANA
Wow, this is going to be Writingpalooza 2!
For a flashback to Writingpalooza the original, click here: Writingpalooza
20 Year Friendaversary
We just realized that we've been friends for 20 years. So it's our friendaversary. We met in college in 1992, we lived next store to each other. We started hanging out a lot because we both were in theatre and liked music that our roommates didn't like. Siana liked Basia (a Polish jazz singer) and Tricia liked Tori Amos (you probably know who Tori Amos is but Tricia knew about her first) and so we would hang out and play music for each other.
TRICIA
We could almost buy someone that was born
SIANA
That's weird and true. And kind of backward
We're celebrating this momentous occasion with mini bottles of champagne. It's nap time (for Tricia's daughter) and so we're having a mimosa and looking through an old photo album. Because when we met digital pictures didn't exist. So you had to develop the pictures and a lot of them are bad and you kept them anyway.
In the midst of celebrating today, we also did a random trade of freeze dried fruit, Siana doesn't like the bananas but Tricia's daughter does, so we traded. This is not important to anyone except us, but here it is.
As we flip through the photo album we marvel at how we always wore huge t-shirts even though we were like way skinny, and how we just lived our young lives to the fullest.
TRICIA
We just didn't care, we just stood next to a
SIANA
Everything about those last two sentences
TRICIA
This is my favorite picture, the Exit sign.
SIANA
It's a classic.
So as we walk down memory lane, we cheers ourselves and are glad we're still friends, like a mile from each other and text each other every day about the evil donuts in our office and our life highlights.
SIANA
It's a good thing we found each other or we
TRICIA
Yeah, cheers to us, 20 years of making this
